Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
