My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
