i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
