dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
