In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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