I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
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