I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
