shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
