Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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