i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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