Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
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The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
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Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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