Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
