The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
