i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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