Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
