giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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