Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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