I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize