you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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