Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
