ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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