just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
