I'm pants shitting drunk right now
my being single is dangerous.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
