Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
