capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
