his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
