On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
why didn't you poke me back
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
