I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
