non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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