The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
ugly people sure do ruin things
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Randomize
