Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
sarcasm needs its own font
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
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