well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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