C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
