i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
