I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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