It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
