I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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