I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
