Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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