I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
