Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize