Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
