You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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