I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
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He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
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Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
How does one acquire holy water?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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