guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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