Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
You made out with two different species that night
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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