I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
