i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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