First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
