she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
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He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
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My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
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