I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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