I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
