I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
