Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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