you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
