My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
