then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
