I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
