i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
