I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
