i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
