he puts the penis in happiness.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
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