i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
We need to get me chipped asap
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
