I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
