omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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