I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Rumble strips road head = magical
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
