what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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