found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
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Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
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