How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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