he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Randomize
